Jake loved it. Totally loved it. He loves meeting new people and loves new situations like this. On the ride home he just talked about what great men our ward is full of and how he really can't wait to get to know people better.
I, however, really didn't like it. I don't like girls. I think they are snobby and rude and judgmental and immature and clique-ish. So sacrament meeting was fine (even though we went to the wrong meeting... Two chapels that start sacrament meeting at the same time... Woops.) and Sunday school was fine. But Sunday school ended and all of a sudden I was sitting alone and everyone else was sitting with other girls talking and having a great time. I looked around to see if anyone was sitting alone or even if there was a group who was not in the middle of a conversation. NOTHING. Everyone was talking away with each other about different things. So I just sat there and tried to smile a little so that I looked approachable... Haha. Anyways one girl, the first counselors wife, sat by me. Which was SO sweet I want to bless her forever and ever and her future kiddos and her future grandbabies that was just SO NICE of her! But she is really shy like me so our conversation didn't last long. Which was fine. But I felt bad. Funny side story though, turns out she was the new head resident who took over Perkins Hall when I moved out. So I met her once when she did my white glove clean check before I left. I don't know if she remembers me though. ANYWAYS. Weaknesses. That's all I noticed about myself today. The lesson today was even about talents. But all I saw in myself was a girl who was too young to be in this ward, who could not contribute in any way, and who was not outgoing or social or cute or anything. It was a bummer.
So this will be a challenge, which might be kind of pathetic, but that's how it is with me. I need to work on reaching out and being confident enough to make new friends. But it's discouraging because I have tried that before, in Louisiana. I decided to be excited to meet new people and make new friends. While I made a bunch of acquaintances, I made a total of ONE friend at school. One. And that was just because she was pregnant so she couldn't party anymore, she had to act Mormon basically. So I already know this is something I am awful at. But I'm pretty determined! We'll see how determined I feel next Sunday though haha.
But after church today I was even more grateful for Jake. I definitely don't know what I did to deserve him. But I'm grateful that even when no one else knows me enough to be my friend or give me a chance, when I go home I have a husband who loves me exactly the way I am.
5 comments:
Well, since I only hung out with you guys that one time I can only speak from that experience. Jake definitely is an extrovert and could win anyone over (under the age of 12) with his Donald Duck voice, but I doubt he used that talent at your new ward. Just remember, if you feel that way, it's a guarantee that there are at least a handful of sisters who feel the same--even if they were having a conversation--it could have been the first time they had ever had talked with someone in that ward. I say make a game out of it--like new person Bingo or something (one Sunday try to talk to a certain number of people, or people wearing pink, or people with glasses, or people who need to wax their upper lip, or people whose roots are showing ... make it interesting). Smile, be open (body language), and just be yourself. You are adorable and from the short time I spent with you, I know the sisters in your ward will absolutely love you! Anyway, hope you don't mind I dropped by your blog. :)
RACHEL!!!
Let me tell you something I have learned.... At the ripe old age of 26;P
You are beautiful and amazing and too perfect to be real. Intimidating because of your awesomeness.
I went to sallys beauty supply looking for white nail polish with a thin brush to do French tips. I was asking the lady for help and asked if that was the only one she had. She said so rudely,"with a thin brush yes."
I was really upset talking with my friend about it and she said that people see girls like us, no matter how pretty they are, and assume we will be snobby or unapproachable and automatically turn on the attitude.
Similar experience- a new girl in my ward who was so beautiful and thin and perfect came to me one week after she had lived here over a year and said she didn't understand why no one tried to talk to her or make friends with her or anything. I was floored!! What? Your too perfect and no one feels good enough to be your friend. I thought she didn't want to be friends with any of us dorks and was purposely keeping to herself!
Point is- I know it's hard when your shy but if you don't put yourself out there people might be afraid to try.
Sorry for the lecture! But get used to it- "girls like us" can be a little intimidating, no matter how much we smile :)
Hang in there darling! Love your guts!!
Oh by the way- sorry I have fallen off the face of the earth! I have no real excuse except that I can't get my act together!!! I don't know where the days go anymore! I hope to do a big update by the end of the month hopefully..... Or next month :/
Steph and SaraSara are both right.
In one of our weird Provo wards I struggled and struggled to find a friend. I ended up finding a few other "rejects" and we became friends. It all started when I was visit teaching and I asked the girl how she liked the ward and she paused a really long time and then practically whispered, "It's hard to find a place to fit in." I about jumped her on the couch I was so happy to hear that someone else was in my boat!
The above ward is a different one than the one we went to where no one talked to me for more almost a year. Even when I approached them, they would turn the other way and talk with their back to me. That was a tough year, but in the end, I got your Auntie Kye as a bff so that was worth waiting for.
Our best ward welcome was in Spokane. Bishop Grimes walked right up to us, shook our hands and said, "We prayed you here. Welcome." It was the best move in ward we've ever had. And it was 11 years into our marriage and countless wards later.
I really liked Steph's ideas about making it fun. I am going to do that here.
SaraSara is also right. I know that you don't consider yourself one of the pretty girls but you are. (and so is SaraSara) People are naturally intimidated by you looking so perfect and having perfect posture. Then you throw in your lovely singing voice and well ... dang ... you're just all that. AND a bag of rice.
It will get better. While you were busy being intimidated by the other girls, they were being intimidated by you. It's just the way girls are. It's so dumb.
You are on the right track, doing the right thing. It's just going to take some time.
Oh, one day at BYU I had the assignment to smile and say hello to everyone. I tried to catch passer-bys eyes to say hello and no one would even make eye contact with me. It was a terrible day. I felt so fat and ugly and leperous.
Finally, I made my way home from classes and across the big grass field (now a parking lot, I think) to our apartments. I saw a man and two kids playing. It was your dad, you, and Ben. When you guys saw me, you all ran toward me, arms open, happy to see me! It made my entire day and life and in that instant I had a completely clear vision that I truly did NOT care what anyone else thought of me. The most important people in my life clearly adored me and THAT is what truly mattered to me.
It was a lonely day, but it came with a great gift.
Love you!
Momsy
I was wondering what your mom would have to say about this so I got on here just to check! I can't believe that people would be like that with even your mom. One of the most outgoing and funny and cheerful people I have ever met. Weird. And dumb. But look at her now! I hope I never move into wards like that. But that last paragraph got me all Geary eyed.... What matters most??
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